A Rare Breed... One-of-a-kind!

I'm certainly one-of-a-kind. I'm an INFJ personality type, which is THE RAREST of all 16 types, accounting for only 1-3% of the population. I'm also EQUALLY middle-brained... which is so rare, I can barely find any research on it. Most people tend to lean towards one side or the other, one side will always have more dominance... nope, not me! Instead my brain is always at a constant battle with itself. Internally, I have way more going on inside my head than anyone could realize. To some, I might come across as shy, or snobby, or quiet, or stand-off-ish... but those close to me know that this is not the case at all! Sometimes I'm just too busy internally processing everything going on around me AND inside me. Although my natural charicteristics tend to be timid and shy at first, this is just how I am before I am completely comfortable with someone.... which, to my dismay, does indeed take a very long time to get to that point.

So what you see is certainly not what you get! I'm a complicated puzzle, and only those who I fully trust and allow in, will be allowed to see ALL the pieces. And even then, good luck trying to figure me out ;). I'm just hoping that one day, the right person will take the time to uncover the real me deep inside... all the rest of ya are missing out!! :)

Drama Queen?!

I'm a very private person. But at the same time, I'm a very passionate and sometimes overly emotional girl. I'm also a writer, so when I feel strongly about something, it comes out in words on the paper (or on the computer screen if you rather). In turn, a lot of people misjudge me and label me as a "drama queen". That couldn't be further from the truth, and their stereotyping really bothers me. I'm actually a person that shies away from all attention, and become a complete bright red mess when the focus is shifted to me. But my writing is what helps heal me. And like I said, I'm intensely passionate. So most people consider my extensive use of descriptive adjectives, "dramatic". No, I'm not looking for any sort of attention or sympathy when I express how deeply I feel about a particular issue. I'm a water sign, a cancer, and my range of emotions runs wide and deep. Expressing them, whether verbally by venting, or in writing, is my way of coping. Once it's off my chest, then I always feel a lot better. Whether its in a letter that I'll never send or posted as a status message on a social networking site.

I admit that in the PAST, my "dramatics" used to be a little excessive. Back when my life was a mess and my head was screwed on crooked. Immaturity, insecurity, and a lack of coping methods all played a role in the "old me". I flew off the handle at the littlest thing and I had a crisis at least once a day. It usually ended up being broadcasted via phone call or status message just because letting it all out seemed to make the problem a little less serious and easier to handle. I also have always responded, first and foremost, emotionally. I think with my heart, not with my mind. And my reactions automatically sprout from the intense emotions that I feel instead of taking the time to process the situation logically and think. But I have done a hell of a lot of reprogramming in my brain so that now I can take a step back and think, "Is this really as bad as it seems? Am I creating this into a bigger issue than it needs to be?"

Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to know that you are making positive changes in your life and your behavior... yet everyone around you is so focused on how you've "always been" that they fail to see your progress? Lately, my words have been automatically misinterpreted as negative complaints or people just assume that I am stressed about a situation that in the past would have normally caused me a great deal of angst. My friends and family are so stuck on how I used to act (and react) in the past that they are blinded by the changes that I've worked so hard on. I know that I'm making these positive changes for MYSELF, I just wish that the others around me would recognize my progress instead of leaving me tainted with the stigma that once enthralled my life...

Who I Am...

"I am not successful at being flirty. Or sexy. I'm awkward and I do stupid shit (like fall in the ocean), when I attempt to portray that image. I am just not a graceful girl. But hopefully someday, there will be a guy that finds this part of who I am cute and suave . Someone that finds my awkward clumsiness adorable and alluring. That is possible, right!?"



Sometimes, I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me,
And know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am...

-Who I Am, Jessica Andrews