What is a True Friend?

"A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and loves you despite your faults. A true friend stands by and helps in times of need instead of putting you down and pointing out your flaws. A true friend never throws past mistakes in your face, but instead shows compassion and understanding when you stumble & fall. A true friend can be trusted, and is faithful and loyal to the death. A true friendship is based on unconditional love and genuinely wanting what is best for each other. A TRUE FRIEND STABS YOU IN THE FRONT........" -Me

A friend accepts us as we are yet helps us to be what we should.

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. ~Henri Nouwen

A true friend unbosoms freely, advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably. ~William Penn

A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud. I am arrived at last in the presence of a man so real and equal, that I may drop even those undermost garments of dissimulation, courtesy, and second thought, which men never put off, and may deal with him with the simplicity and wholeness with which one chemical atom meets another. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik

Drama Queen?!

I'm a very private person. But at the same time, I'm a very passionate and sometimes overly emotional girl. I'm also a writer, so when I feel strongly about something, it comes out in words on the paper (or on the computer screen if you rather). In turn, a lot of people misjudge me and label me as a "drama queen". That couldn't be further from the truth, and their stereotyping really bothers me. I'm actually a person that shies away from all attention, and become a complete bright red mess when the focus is shifted to me. But my writing is what helps heal me. And like I said, I'm intensely passionate. So most people consider my extensive use of descriptive adjectives, "dramatic". No, I'm not looking for any sort of attention or sympathy when I express how deeply I feel about a particular issue. I'm a water sign, a cancer, and my range of emotions runs wide and deep. Expressing them, whether verbally by venting, or in writing, is my way of coping. Once it's off my chest, then I always feel a lot better. Whether its in a letter that I'll never send or posted as a status message on a social networking site.

I admit that in the PAST, my "dramatics" used to be a little excessive. Back when my life was a mess and my head was screwed on crooked. Immaturity, insecurity, and a lack of coping methods all played a role in the "old me". I flew off the handle at the littlest thing and I had a crisis at least once a day. It usually ended up being broadcasted via phone call or status message just because letting it all out seemed to make the problem a little less serious and easier to handle. I also have always responded, first and foremost, emotionally. I think with my heart, not with my mind. And my reactions automatically sprout from the intense emotions that I feel instead of taking the time to process the situation logically and think. But I have done a hell of a lot of reprogramming in my brain so that now I can take a step back and think, "Is this really as bad as it seems? Am I creating this into a bigger issue than it needs to be?"

Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to know that you are making positive changes in your life and your behavior... yet everyone around you is so focused on how you've "always been" that they fail to see your progress? Lately, my words have been automatically misinterpreted as negative complaints or people just assume that I am stressed about a situation that in the past would have normally caused me a great deal of angst. My friends and family are so stuck on how I used to act (and react) in the past that they are blinded by the changes that I've worked so hard on. I know that I'm making these positive changes for MYSELF, I just wish that the others around me would recognize my progress instead of leaving me tainted with the stigma that once enthralled my life...

Who I Am...

"I am not successful at being flirty. Or sexy. I'm awkward and I do stupid shit (like fall in the ocean), when I attempt to portray that image. I am just not a graceful girl. But hopefully someday, there will be a guy that finds this part of who I am cute and suave . Someone that finds my awkward clumsiness adorable and alluring. That is possible, right!?"



Sometimes, I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me,
And know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am...

-Who I Am, Jessica Andrews

My First Post- "The List"

My horoscope today reads: You have a lot to be grateful for -- do yourself a favor and start making a list.
So I figured I'd do just that for this "historical" first entry, haha.

1. Well first off, I'm alive. On good days, that's something to be thankful for. But if you ask me again tomorrow, it may change. ;-)
2. I have the most amazing job in the world. Infact, I'm sitting here at work right now doing this. I'm on the computer all day, and for the most part it's stress free! My bosses take extremely good care of me, and are a combination of a mentor-father-friend... more than any boss I've known or had prior. I can talk to them about anything, and tell them more things about my life than I even tell my own father.
3. I have the ability and money to TRAVEL THE WORLD. In 2008 alone, I made it to London England, Sofia Bulgaria, Skopje Macedonia, and Las Vegas Nevada. In a month from now I'm heading to Florida (for the 5th time, so not really anything special). I've been to California, Arizona 4 or 5 times, and all over New England. More than anything I want to go to Greece. Maybe Italy one day. And definitely back to Las Vegas!!
4. My friends are my angels, my saving grace. Most have been there since childhood, or at least 7-8 years. Lifelong friends. I've gotten rid of the bad seeds who brought me down. Although some may have drifted away or moved, I still keep them close in my heart. Every friend I've had has affected me in some way and made me who I am today.
5. My parents. As much as I hate to admit it, I am thankful for everything they've done for me. There's still a lot of resentment and anger, but they've taught me many lessons in life and always provided for all my needs. I had a better childhood than most. I was spoiled with love instead of material things. My mother devoted her entire life to raising me. Sacraficed so many things, went without so that I could have. My dad supported us financially, put a roof over our heads, and had enough left over for us to take family vacations, pay for my many years of dance, tennis, piano lessons and so much more.
6. Every "materialistic" item I own. I'll always have days where I wish I had what someone else does, but when I look in my own room, my closet, my house, I realize I still have much more than many unfortunate people. I'm driving a brand new car thanks to all of my savings and hard work, carry around a Blackberry in my Coach purse; and I'm really not trying to boast or brag, I'm just showing appreciation for what I do have. You've always got to be thankful for what you have and not spend time worrying about what you don't.
7. I'm grateful for SUMMERTIME, especially in Maine. This is Vacationland, and anyone who dares to disagree, I will gladly prove you wrong. I'm grateful for the seasons (all except for winter, sorry but I've GOT to complain about something). I live 10 minutes from the closest beach, that you can follow for miles in either direction. 10 minutes from the countryside, where the horses roam the farms and fresh vegatables are grown. 10 minutes from the city, with all the hustle and bustle and boutiques and restaurants and city-folk. 10 minutes from town, where the locals gather for coffee and breakfast and small businesses prosper. 10 minutes from the woods, with rivers, hiking trails, nature, and where (if you're lucky) you see whitetail deer feeding. And maybe not 10 minutes, but an hour or so from the mountains where you can rock climb and ski and feel like you're on top of the world. I can't think of any other place on earth that offers all of this plus more! This is what I call HOME ♥
8. I'm grateful for all the children that bring me so much joy (and for not having any of my own yet!!). My little ones at daycare, all of my friend's kids, the ones I babysit, and the ones I get to watch grow. Children make me so happy, and can make me forget about the bad mood I may be in or the problems I'm having with the rest of the world because I can escape so easily into theirs. I can't wait to have my own. Just not anytime soon!! :)
9. I'm thankful for love. Although I can sometimes be a bitter cynic, I'm thankful that true love exists and I cannot wait to experienece it! I dream of the day that I meet my soulmate, the one person (other than my best friend) that understands me better than I know myself, and who loves me just as much as I love them. The kind of stuff you see in movies or read in books. I'm a hopeless romantic and I believe in fairy tales and dreamers dreams... and fireflies.
10. One last thing to wrap it up. I'm grateful that I took the time to sit here and think about all the things I have to be thankful for. I could list millions more, but I'm sitting here feeling just a little bit better about myself and life and all the wonderful things that I'm blessed with. :)